she was so not down for the gang bang
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
