We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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