you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
