The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
