Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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