so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
