Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
