WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
