The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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