Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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