if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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