Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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