But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
