There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize