So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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