Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
