you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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