If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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