Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
