1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
