Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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