and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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