Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize