After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
