i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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