Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
