Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
