The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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