Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
