This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
