The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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