this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
