My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
