On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
