I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize