The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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