i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
