does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
