my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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