I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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