I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
