I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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