I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
