We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
