he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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