Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
