please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
