He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
