i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
