He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
