the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
