thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
