We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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