Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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