Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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