I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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