i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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