Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
