Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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