I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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