pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
