You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
