Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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