There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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