there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
