I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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