oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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